


What Do You Offer?

by Lauralot



Series: Alexander Pierce should have died slower [18]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Diapers, Gen, Non-Sexual Age Play, Self-Hatred, Stuffed Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4630899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lauralot/pseuds/Lauralot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SHIELD comes to the Avengers' Tower.</p><p>Bucky makes new friends who can do a lot of things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Do You Offer?

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by [celestialskiff's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialskiff/pseuds/celestialskiff) [Found Family](http://archiveofourown.org/series/153764) series. After reading it, I decided I wanted to write an APSHDS installment featuring the SHIELD characters. Upon hearing about this, celestialskiff was inspired to write the wonderful [_Layover_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4535751), a fic in which Found Family Skye and APSHDS Bucky meet each other.
> 
> Because that fic was perfect and everything I could have wanted from a little!Skye and little!Bucky meetup, I decided to write an adult Skye in this story. However, she's still got a little side, and there are several references to the Found Family series throughout, such as Skye's elephant and the magic forest.

**“But you have friends. You have a lot of friends. What do you offer your friends to make them so supportive?”**

— _4.48 Psychosis_ , Sarah Kane

The table’s set for a tea party.

Tasha’s latest project—something with popsicle sticks and magic marker and a lot of glitter glue—has been relocated to the top of the toy chest. Somebody’s set up Bucky’s tea set on top of the craft table, with sugar cubes and coconut milk cream. This is probably Steve’s doing. Every one of the Bearvengers lines the circumference of the table, even though Bucky’s china set only has four teacups.

Clearly, they want him to have hours of tea parties.

Bucky might be interested in that if he were five right now. But he’s not, and even if he were, he doubts it would do the trick.

Not when SHIELD’s in the tower.

Bucky paces back and forth, fists clenched. The servos in his arm seem so loud in the empty room. There’s not even supposed to be a SHIELD. Steve said it died with HYDRA.

And he said that the man running SHIELD in Fury’s place was supposed to be dead too.

From what Bucky understands of it, there was a SHIELD agent named Coulson who died in the Battle of New York. He’d worked with every Avenger but Bruce in the past, and it wasn’t until after they lost him that they really banded together. But Fury found a way to bring him back to life without telling anyone and later, after Steve said that there shouldn’t be any more SHIELD, Fury went and appointed Coulson as the new director.

“What part of taking down SHIELD did he not understand?” Steve had fumed once the fight for Clint’s apartment building was over, when they finally had the time to process what Fury had said in Clint’s living room. “He agreed to shut it _down_ , not hand over the keys to someone else behind my back!”

“He lied to you about rebuilding HYDRA weapons, Captain Gullible,” Tony had said, rubbing at his eyes. “Why’d you ever expect him to be honest?”

Remembering that exchange makes Bucky’s stomach lurch violently. He can’t trust anyone who uses HYDRA weapons. And he doubts he can trust anyone who returned from the dead. Bucky glares down at his metal hand, still clenched so tightly. The Russians had said it was a miracle he survived.

Bucky’s seen what comes of miracles.

“JARVIS,” he says, grabbing Bucky Bear from the table. “Are they here?”

**DIRECTOR COULSON’S QUINJET HAS JUST LANDED IN THE HANGAR, SERGEANT BARNES.**

“I need to see.” Bucky’s not sure if he’s talking to JARVIS or his bear. He can’t keep from shaking. SHIELD was HYDRA and SHIELD woke up Steve from the ice the way HYDRA woke Bucky and now they’re _here_ after Steve shut them down and anything could happen and he can’t let them drag away Steve and take his memories and—

**SERGEANT BARNES, CAPTAIN ROGERS INSISTED THAT YOU REMAIN WITHIN THIS—**

“He didn’t say I couldn’t watch.” Bucky’s legs are trembling, and he ends up sitting on the couch. “You monitor every room in the tower. You can show me what’s going on.”

A view screen materializes before him. Bucky kicks off his shoes, pulling his feet up onto the couch as he squeezes Bucky Bear. Steve and the others are already gathered by the Quinjet, waiting. The angle is awkward, but Bucky can see their faces well enough to tell that almost no one’s smiling.

Bucky isn’t smiling either. After they learned that Agent Coulson was both alive and in charge of SHIELD, Tony did some research. The new SHIELD stole military Quinjets, as well as some sort of artifact that makes people disintegrate. An artifact from HYDRA. And those were just a couple of the unsavory things they learned.

The Quinjet starts to open, and Bucky finds his hand pressing at his lips. As though the SHIELD agents will be able to hear him. He can’t hear them; JARVIS is only showing the video. Maybe he figured Steve wouldn’t be happy that Bucky’s privy to this, so he compromised by muting the audio.

There’s a man walking out now, middle-aged, in a suit and tie. He’s several inches shorter than Steve, and while Bucky’s sure any agent of SHIELD is competent with firearms and combat, he doesn’t look like he could take any of the Avengers in a fight. Not even Tony without his suit.

Clint is coming forward and hugging onto the man, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. This is Director Coulson? He’s not what Bucky had figured the head of SHIELD would look like. Then again, for everyone but Bucky, Pierce hadn’t looked like the head of HYDRA.

When Clint pulls away from Coulson, he’s smiling. Coulson’s smiling back, and Bucky doesn’t trust him. His smile looks knowing, somehow, almost mocking, like a snake. And he doesn’t seem to blink. Snakes can’t blink, his niece Freddie had said at the reptile house in the zoo, because they don’t have eyelids.

Bucky Bear helpfully points out that the Director’s hair is thinning.

Before Bucky can ask him what that has to do with anything, there are more SHIELD agents on their way out.

They’re young. Younger than Steve or Bucky. He hadn’t expected that; he’s used to field agents, and anyone who had advanced far enough in both STRIKE and HYDRA to be working with the Winter Soldier was usually nearing middle age, or at least closer to thirty than twenty. There’s a dark-haired lady who appears taut with excitement, brows raised and smile almost unnaturally wide. She’s wearing a sweater, as is the man beside her, but hers is dark while his is light. He seems timid, arms crossed and drawn in on himself. There’s another lady behind them, with longer dark hair in a leather jacket. She’s smiling, but it doesn’t look like the other woman’s smile. It’s less strained, more natural. She’s happy to be here.

Bucky doesn’t understand what SHIELD’s doing here at all.

He’d been five when it was explained to him, so the subtleties went over his head. He hadn’t much wanted to think about it either. Steve said SHIELD was HYDRA, and SHIELD was coming here, so why would he have wanted to hear another word about it? From what Bucky did manage to gather, SHIELD needs either intel or resources, and so they’re here to make some kind of offer. Bucky is not to interact with them.

“They might think you have information they need,” Steve had explained. “Old HYDRA plans, stuff like that. I don’t want them to bother you.”

What he meant was _I don’t want them to try and take you away_. They couldn’t, of course—no one could smuggle Bucky out of a building full of Avengers and controlled by JARVIS—but any attempt would no doubt lead to nightmares every time he shut eyes. He’s happy to avoid that.

He’s considerably less happy to leave his friends alone with these people. Steve still beats himself up about staying with SHIELD as long as he did, overlooking that his own teammates were HYDRA agents all along.

How many sleepless nights will Steve spend in the gym after this, beating punching bags into submission?

There’s another woman coming out of the Quinjet, an older woman. She has long dark hair as well, and she’s dressed all in black. She’s not smiling affably, nervously, or excitedly. She’s not smiling at all. She just stares, face like stone.

Bucky tastes metal and realizes his thumb is in his mouth.

Flushing, he pulls his hand away. The SHIELD agents are talking to the Avengers now, and Bucky doesn’t know what they’re saying. Clint’s tried to teach him about lip-reading, but Bucky’s bad enough at it when he’s looking right at someone, and he’s seeing everybody now from the side. Daddy doesn’t look very happy. Maria and Clint are smiling, though.

He glances back at the Quinjet. It doesn’t look like anyone else came with them.

Bucky Bear announces that he is not intimidated by these agents. He then adds that he’s not even sure if the young male agent has gone through puberty yet. Either way, the bear is sure that these people are no match for the Avengers. Or the Bearvengers, for that matter.

Bucky nods. But he can’t look away from the screen, and his fingers keep brushing against his mouth even though he won’t let them in. How long is SHIELD going to be here? Why did Tony even agree to let them in here? Daddy said they were HYDRA. If Bucky tried to bring the Commander over, Tony wouldn’t let _him_ in.

Then, after what feels like forever, the SHIELD people are moving. Bucky almost smiles until he realizes they’re not going back to the Quinjet. They’re going all the way inside. He bites his lip; his tummy already felt full of butterflies, and now it feels really heavy too. “JARVIS? Where are they going?”

 **DIRECTOR COULSON AND AGENT MAY ARE FOLLOWING THE AVENGERS TO A CONFERENCE ROOM,** JARVIS says at once. **AGENTS FITZ, SIMMONS, AND SKYE ARE GOING TO SIR’S LABORATORY UNDER MS. POTTS’S SUPERVISION.**

The lab. His face feels way, way hotter than it did when he was sucking his thumb. He doesn’t want any strangers in there, and least of all SHIELD.

Two days ago, Tony had called Bucky down to the lab because a week before that, Bucky had broken down and ask him if he could make pull-ups that wouldn’t leak so easily. As it turned out, Tony could. And he’d seen it fit to make them Avengers-themed.

“I hate you,” Bucky had said, staring down into the box.

“It’s on trend,” Tony had protested. “Do you know how much I make in royalties off the licensed kids’ ones?”

“Not enough to buy dignity, I guess.”

Tony had just muttered about gratitude and handed Bucky a smaller box, this one full of Bucky Bear-sized, bear-themed protection, presumably as some sign of teddy solidarity. Bucky Bear had flatly refused to wear them, although yesterday Daddy had found Iron Bear wearing one. Iron Bear was floating face down in the bathtub at the time. Bucky Bear had no idea how that happened.

Bucky had just wanted to get _out_ of the lab once he had the box, even if later he took another look and decided the pictures were kind of cool. He didn’t stop to think that Tony’s prototypes and designs might still be lying around for anyone to see. Anyone including SHIELD agents.

With a whimper, Bucky presses his bear to his face. He doesn’t want to think about SHIELD anymore, let alone see what they’re doing.

 **MASTER BARNES,** says JARVIS. **WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CLOSE THE VIDEO FEED?**

From behind Bucky Bear, he nods. Even knowing that the video’s gone, he still can’t bring himself to look up.

 **MASTER BARNES,** says JARVIS. **WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A STORY?**

He can probably listen to a story without having to look up or say anything. “Uh-huh.”

But the story JARVIS picks is We’re Going on a Bear Hunt, which is more of a song than a story—though JARVIS reads it like a poem—and which has hand motions and stuff that go along with it. So Bucky has to sit up and take part, or he might make JARVIS feel bad. Anyway, Bucky Bear really likes We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. He likes pretending to chase people, and it makes the game less scary when it’s Bucky Bear following everyone.

So he lets JARVIS lead him through the tall grass and the river and the forest and all the other places. By the time Bucky runs back home and hides under the covers—or really, lies back on the couch and squeezes Bucky Bear—he’s almost forgotten that SHIELD’s here at all.

 **WE ARE NEVER,** says JARVIS, **GOING ON A BEAR HUNT AGAIN.**

And they don’t. Instead, there are tea parties.

*

After the fifth tea party, Bucky Bear is growing restless.

When Bucky suggests that he practice signing with Hawkbear if he’s bored, Bucky Bear just flops onto his back and sighs. He wants to play a mission, he says. Or at least have some explosions. Bucky Bear thinks tea parties would be much more interesting with explosions.

“Explosions would break the tea cups,” Bucky points out, but Bucky Bear says that sacrifices have to be made.

He really wants to play Bearvengers versus SHIELD. Bucky guesses that such a game would involve a lot of fighting and possibly kicking bears off of the pretend tower. Or tar and feathering. The doctors probably wouldn’t like that. They’ve been encouraging more games like the one Bucky and Daddy played in Rumlow’s apartment, with discussions and not punching. But Bucky gets the feeling if he tries to play that way now, Bucky Bear will complain about his artistic integrity being stifled.

“We could read a story,” Bucky offers, and Bucky Bear finds that acceptable.

He wants the story with the magic pasta pot, though, and that’s not one of the books in the playroom. It’s up on Bucky’s bookshelf. And Daddy said to stay here.

But Bucky Bear’s so bored he’s almost vibrating, and Daddy probably told him to stay here so he wouldn’t run into the SHIELD people. There won’t be SHIELD people in his bedroom. After checking to be sure that the bears have enough tea to last them while Bucky’s gone, he runs as fast as he can to the elevators.

He doesn’t time it or anything, but Bucky’s pretty sure it takes less than a minute to get in the elevator, get to his room, grab the book, and make it back. Or it would have been less than a minute if he actually went back into the playroom.

But he doesn’t, because there’s a woman standing in there now, looking at his bears.

Bucky Bear says they have two options: they can charge at the woman, tackle her, and demand answers as to what she’s doing, or they can retreat. He likes the first plan the best and doesn’t hesitate to say so. Bucky thinks running away is a much better idea, but he doesn’t do that either. He can’t move at all.

She’s one of the younger agents, not the older, scary lady, and she's holding Hawkbear, trailing her fingers over one of his little purple hearing aids.

Bucky Bear wants to eat her.

The woman is smiling as she sets Hawkbear down. Iron Bear is next to him, and she moves to pick him up.

“His armor’s loose,” Bucky blurts out. The screw that holds part of the left leg armor is loose, and Bucky hasn’t been able to fix it because he can’t use screwdrivers or other tools without supervision. He meant to ask Tony, but Tony’s been busy getting ready for the SHIELD agents.

She looks up. For a second the woman looks as small and scared as Bucky feels, and he wonders if maybe she isn’t dangerous, but then she smiles and Bucky finds himself hiding behind the doorframe.

“Hey, wait,” she says. Her voice doesn’t sound scary, but Bucky Bear says that doesn’t mean anything. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m Skye.”

Bucky wonders what the odds are that Skye will just forget he’s here if he doesn’t answer. Probably not good.

“Uh,” says Skye after maybe thirty seconds. “You do know I can see you, right? I mean, you’re right there. Like, a fourth of you is covered up, maybe? It’s not a lot.”

Bucky looks up just long enough to make eye contact before hiding his face behind Bucky Bear. “JARVIS said you were in the lab,” he says, his voice muffled by fur.

“Well, yeah,” Skye says. He thinks she’s sitting down, but he doesn’t want to raise his head to check. “Of course I was. Not every day you get the chance to check out Tony Stark’s playground, you know?”

Bucky doesn’t know. He can do that every day.

“But it’s not every day you get a chance to explore the Avengers’ HQ either.”

He makes himself look up again. Skye’s sitting at the table, though she’s not touching the bears or the tea set. Bucky Bear still doesn’t trust her to be there. “And JARVIS let you walk around?”

Skye crosses her arms, smiling again. “I get along with computers,” she says, tilting her chair back, and she looks really satisfied and cool for a second until the chair almost topples over. Then she has to scramble to keep her balance.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asks. Bucky Bear says he shouldn’t be asking or even talking to her, but Bucky can’t help it.

“I’m fine,” Skye says, but her face is a little pink. “I’m great! Almost died via chair in front of a Howling Commando, but—”

Bucky misses what she says next, hiding behind his bear again. Everyone in the tower knows what a useless baby he is. It’s easy to forget there are still people out there who think that he’s a war hero or a dangerous assassin. The closest he gets to any kind of fighting now is with his bears.

“Hey.” Skye sounds worried, and it sounds like she’s getting up. “You okay? Do you need to sit down?”

Bucky Bear says they need to _leave_ , but what if there are other, scarier SHIELD agents in the elevator? Bucky shuffles to the couch. He can sit there and Skye can sit at the table, and maybe they can just not talk anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Skye says. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

He just shrugs.

After what feels like a long and embarrassing eternity, but is probably more like a minute, Skye clears her throat. “I really like your bears,” she says. “They have Avenger stuff at Build-A-Bear, but it’s not even half this detailed.”

Bucky hopes they don’t have Bucky Bear outfits at Build-A-Bear. Bucky Bear isn’t happy at all with the idea that any old bear could impersonate him. “They were Christmas presents,” he mumbles. “Tony had them made special.”

“I’ve got to find a way onto his Christmas list.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything.

“Help me out here,” Skye says. “The red bear in the pantsuit, who is that? A Black Widow Bear undercover?”

“That’s Pepper Bear.”

“And the black bear in the jumpsuit?”

“Maria Bear.” Those two bears are new; Tony only gave them to Bucky a couple of weeks ago. Bucky thinks they’re supposed to encourage him to play games that aren’t just missions. Except Maria was in SHIELD and Pepper is—or at least used to be, Bucky’s not sure—fireproof, so they’ve gone on a bunch of missions anyway.

“I have an elephant,” Skye says. “Her name’s Ada Lovelace, after the computer programmer.”

Bucky doesn’t know any computer programmers. He doesn’t know any elephants either. Bucky Bear is certain that elephants eat bears, even though that’s not what any of the signs at the San Diego Zoo said. Bucky Bear says signs can’t be trusted.

“What’s the bear you’re holding?” Skye asks. She leans forward in her chair a little, but she doesn’t get up and move toward him. “He’s got the cutest little nose.”

 _Tell her I’ll eat her_ , Bucky Bear says, but Bucky just turns his bear to face her better. Usually Bucky Bear likes it when people compliment his nose, but usually those people aren’t SHIELD. Bucky’s pretty sure that his bear wouldn’t trust Skye even if she brought him honey. He’d probably think it was poisoned.

“Bucky Bear,” he whispers, and Skye’s face lights up.

“Is he one of the old Bucky Bears? Before they started making them again, I mean?”

“He’s from World War II.” Or maybe just after. Bucky isn’t really sure and there’s not any kind of date on the bear.

Skye smiles, and Bucky hides his face behind his bear again. “That’s awesome! Coulson always talks about how he wishes he had one. He collects Captain America stuff.”

Bucky doesn’t smile back. He pulls his feet up on the couch and curls his whole body around Bucky Bear to keep him safe.

“Wait, I didn’t mean—”

“He can’t collect Bucky Bear!” Why didn’t he run away like his bear said they should? What if she tries to take him? He doesn’t want to hurt her, but he can’t let anybody take Bucky Bear.

“It’s okay,” Skye says. Her voice is closer now, like she got up and walked over. Bucky just squeezes tighter to his bear. “Coulson won’t take your bear. He doesn’t steal stuff, I promise.”

“He’s mine,” Bucky whispers. He _needs_ Bucky Bear.

“I know.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything. His chest is all tight.

“Are you scared of SHIELD?” Skye asks.

“SHIELD’s HYDRA.” Bucky peeks out over his knees. Skye’s sitting on the floor next to the coffee table, legs crossed. She doesn’t look like she’s trying to steal his bear. “HYDRA’s scary.”

Skye frowns. For a second she looks really sad, and Bucky feels bad about that, but Bucky Bear says that he shouldn’t care if she’s upset. He can’t risk lowering his guard around a potential bear thief. “That was the old SHIELD,” Skye says. “Coulson’s in charge of SHIELD now, and now it’s about helping people. It’s not like that anymore.”

“Coulson’s scary.”

“No, May’s the scary one,” Skye says, but Bucky doesn’t know who that is. “And not even really then.”

His legs feel stiff from how tight he’s sitting, but he can’t stretch them out. It isn’t safe.

“I’m sorry I made your bear afraid.”

“Bucky Bear’s not afraid of anything,” Bucky insists. Now the bear really wants to eat her.

Skye doesn’t say anything. She sighs a little bit, but she doesn’t sound annoyed. He’s not sure what kind of sigh it is.

All the other bears are still sitting on the table, their tea party interrupted. It’s not _fair_. Bucky wasn’t supposed to be around SHIELD people; he was supposed to be in here having fun. And now he can’t do that and he’s scared and he’s so _sick_ of being scared all the time.

Bucky’s eyes feel hot and wet.

“I have a friend named Mike,” Skye says. She’s not looking at Bucky anymore, eyes downcast as she picks at a loose thread on her jeans. “He’s got a prosthetic leg.”

 _Don’t listen_ , Bucky Bear says.

“HYDRA made him be a super soldier too.” Skye twists her wrist and the thread slides out. “But we helped him get away and now he helps us.”

Bucky freezes up. There weren’t supposed to be any other super soldiers. Bucky was the only one they needed. His last daddy always said so. He was special. He was their secret weapon to save the world.

“Did they take his memories too?”

Skye shakes her head. “No. They put a camera in his eye so they could watch what he was doing.”

There’s too much spit in Bucky’s mouth suddenly. He has to force himself to swallow and not be sick all over. He wants to claw at his face and settles for wrenching his eyes shut hard. “But—but SHIELD took it out, right?”

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Skye says quickly. “I’m sorry. There’s—there can’t be one in you. You’d know. HYDRA used it to send messages. Orders.”

Bucky’s never had messages show up in his eyes. Not yet.

“My point is, SHIELD’s my family. And Mike’s, too. Like the Avengers are your family. We’re not like HYDRA. We just want to keep people safe.”

He opens his eyes, and there aren’t any messages. There’s just Skye, sitting on the floor. She’s not looking right at him, but sort of past him, and she’s smiling. He thinks she means it, the stuff she says about SHIELD.

Bucky Bear’s not convinced. And anyway, he says that lots of HYDRA agents thought they were helping. There was even one agent who tried to shoo away some goats before the Winter Soldier started shooting at his target. He definitely thought he was doing good things.

“I saw parts of your trial,” Skye says quietly. She’s not smiling now. “What they said—SHIELD would never treat you that way. I’m sorry HYDRA did.”

Bucky doesn’t want to talk about his trial. Not now and not ever. “Why’d you join SHIELD?” he asks, because even though Bucky Bear says they shouldn’t talk to her, Bucky’s afraid that if he stays quiet she’ll just keep talking about it.

That gets Skye smiling again. “I didn’t plan on it. Actually, I used to be in this hacktivist group called the Rising Tide, and we were trying to expose SHIELD. That’s how I met Coulson. He kinda kidnapped me.”

And then she laughs, like that’s okay. Like families go around kidnapping each other.

Bucky’s horror must show on his face, because then Skye’s talking really fast. “No, no, it’s not like that. The Rising Tide thought it was wrong for SHIELD to hide things from people, so I was helping to put their information online for everyone to see. Only I didn’t get that the stuff I was posting needed to be hidden to keep people safe. That was one of the reasons SHIELD brought me in for questioning, and when I realized they were helping people, I decided to join them. They weren’t at all what I thought they were.”

“Were your friends mad?” Bucky asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Your Rising Tide friends. Since they didn’t like SHIELD.”

Now he’s the one looking at Skye’s face and realizing he said the wrong thing. She doesn’t look like she wants to talk about that at all.

“Do you want to hold my bear?” Bucky Bear definitely doesn’t want to be held, but Bucky doesn’t know what else to do. He’s not good at making people feel better. Bucky Bear is.

Skye picks him up gently, rubbing her fingers over his nose. “He’s soft,” she says. “Usually old toys get kind of rough.”

“He was,” Bucky says. “Pepper brushed him.” She used Lucky’s brush, which Bucky Bear hadn’t liked at all, but he looked almost new when she was done.

“He’s so cute.” Skye tosses him maybe an inch up in the air, catching him under his arms. “Ada would love him.”

Bucky Bear offers his opinion on elephants, and Bucky decides it would be best not to repeat it.

Skye glances back at the table. “Did I interrupt your game?”

He shrugs. The other bears would like to keep having a tea party, he knows, but Bucky Bear was so bored. And Bucky Bear is not at all happy about Skye holding him, so Bucky figures he should do something that Bucky Bear wants. “Bucky Bear’s bored with tea parties.”

“What if he had an adventure getting to the tea party?” Skye asks, fixing Bucky Bear’s jacket collar.

“Huh?”

“Maybe Bucky Bear’s going to a tea party,” she says, setting the bear down on the floor. “And he’s walking through the magic forest and sees all kinds of cool things. He’d probably be thirsty for tea after all that.” Skye puts her hands over Bucky Bear’s head like they’re branches.

“Magic forest?” Bucky repeats. He’s never heard of a magic forest. Once, he played Mission to Albania with the Bearvengers, and that mission was in a forest. But he doesn’t think Skye would like that game. Anyway, Bucky Bear says he’s absolutely not playing out his missions in front of a SHIELD agent.

“It has unicorns and mermaids,” Skye explains. “And dragons. Stuff like that. But they’re all nice, so your bear doesn’t have to worry.”

Bucky Bear doesn’t worry about anything, and he is highly offended by suggestions otherwise. So offended that he demands to go through the forest to prove he can handle it.

He starts out in a tree house, way up in the branches. When he’s making his way down with the ladder, which is also the side of the couch, he runs into Falcon Bear, except Falcon Bear is a gryphon now, and the gryphon offers to fly Bucky Bear the rest of the way down. Bucky Bear doesn’t believe in gryphons, but Bucky has him accept the ride anyway.

Only then Falcon-Gryphon spots a rainbow and goes off course to chase Bear Widow, who is now a leprechaun. They end up bouncing around in a field of shamrocks, and it turns out that the leprechaun has honey instead of gold, which the three of them decide to bring along to the tea party.

After that there’s a Thor-Unicorn and a Hulk-Giant and an enchanted mirror that they can walk through. Then they meet a Maria-Fairy and a War Machine-Dragon and find a Hawkbear-Bird that’s fallen from his nest. After they help him back up, there’s a lagoon that a Pepper-Mermaid leads them across.

Bucky thinks Skye’s really good at coming up with games. It’s kind of like playing with Tasha, even though Tasha plays missions when she makes up games. Sometimes grown-ups get shy when they play, not wanting to do voices or trying not to do silly stuff. But Skye’s not like that. And she said she had an elephant.

Bucky starts to wonder if she’s little like he is. But she’s an agent. Nobody would send a little kid into the field, not unless SHIELD is really, really bad.

If SHIELD is that bad, Bucky Bear thinks they need to rescue her. He also thinks this game is very silly and insists he’s only playing along to be hospitable.

But Bucky can’t rescue her. It’s not safe for him to have weapons, and the Avengers don’t like SHIELD. They won’t want her to stay. He tries to tell himself that there’s no way she’s little. Skye can go on missions and hack computers. Bucky can’t do anything.

At the end of the mermaid’s lagoon is the tea party, where Captain Ameribear is waiting. But Bucky drank all of the regular tea during the first three tea parties he played today, and all that’s left now is bear tea. Bear tea is like normal tea for bears, but for people it looks dry and clear and tastes like air.

Skye did most of the talking for the whole game. She probably needs regular tea after that.

Bucky stands up. “I’ll get more tea.” It’ll give Skye time to rest her voice, and he needed a bathroom break and a chance to go get Bucky Bear’s honey anyway.

“Okay,” Skye says. “Thanks, Bucky.”

He leaves Bucky Bear in the playroom so that Bucky Bear can protect Skye in case anything happens. Bucky Bear is good at protecting people.

The water’s boiled and Bucky’s setting one of Bruce’s infusers in the teapot when the door opens. He ducks down behind the kitchen island before he can even think about it. Bucky should have gone to his own floor and not to the kitchen everybody shares, even if it is way closer to the playroom. Why is he so stupid?

There are voices. They’re heading away from him to the counter where the coffee pot is. They must be drinking coffee in the conference room.

“—no interest in joining your organization.” That’s Daddy’s voice. “I was the one who dismantled SHIELD to begin with, you think I’d want to work for it again?”

“I’m not suggesting the Avengers resume their original position as a SHIELD initiative.” Bucky doesn’t know who’s talking. It’s a smooth voice, a man’s voice. It must be Coulson.

Bucky goes stiff, hugging his arms around his knees.

“Surely you can see the benefits of a steady exchange of information between us,” Coulson continues. “Whatever your misgivings, Captain, our SHIELD is not the SHIELD that you tore down.”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Daddy says. Bucky can hear the coffee maker beeping. “Not until we’re back in there.”

“All right. How are you, Captain Rogers?”

“Fine.”

Daddy doesn’t sound fine. He sounds tired and annoyed.

Coulson’s voice is soft when he asks, “How’s Sergeant Barnes?”

“ _Innocent_ ,” Daddy snaps. “The courts cleared him and if you think I’m about to let you interrogate him after everything he’s been through, then—”

“I saw the trial, Captain Rogers. I was convinced of his innocence since Hill’s first cross-examination. I just wanted to know how he’s coping.”

There’s a moment of quiet.

“I’m sorry.” Daddy’s voice. “I didn’t mean to—It’s just, even this long after the trial, we still get letters saying he’s a fake or that he could have fought back and didn’t, so he was willing, or—”

Bucky didn’t know that they were still getting letters. The letters during the trial made Daddy so upset. And he’s still screening the mail for them?

“It’s only natural to be protective of him after all he’s gone through,” Coulson is saying. “It’s sickening, the things people say. How’s he handling it?”

There’s a pause again before Daddy says, “Better. Better than he was. It’s just—they hurt him so badly and he still blames himself for it. And for all the progress we make, sometimes it feels like for every step forward, we uncover some new horror. Everything’s changed and I know he’s still Bucky, but sometimes it’s like I don’t know him at all.”

Bucky feels so cold, his left arm actually seems warm.

“Does he go into the field at all?” Coulson asks.

“God no,” Daddy says, and Bucky flinches. It sounds like he’s taking the pot out of the coffee maker. “It’d violate the terms of his release. Even if it didn’t, he can’t be around weapons. Not at all. And he’s put up with enough of that shit to last a lifetime. I don’t want to expose him to it ever again.”

Bucky remembers holding a knife to Daddy’s throat. He remembers that he used to be the one shielding Steve from bad stuff.

“Is that for his sake, or your own?” Coulson asks.

“What?”

“I’ve grown quite attached to the members of my primary SHIELD team,” Coulson says. Bucky thinks he’s drinking coffee. “In the past couple of years, we’ve all suffered more than our fair share. But there’s a particular agent with a highly traumatic past. Not in the same vein as Barnes, but she also takes comfort in regression.”

 _Skye_ , Bucky thinks. He realizes he’s biting at his knuckles. So she is like him. Maybe she’s too shy around new people to be fully little, or she didn’t want to be so vulnerable around the Avengers.

Or the Winter Soldier.

“And she’s a field agent?” Daddy sounds worried. Maybe he’ll ask Skye to live with them, and that might be a really good idea, but what if Tasha gets jealous? Or if Daddy likes Skye more?

“It’s important to her,” Coulson says, “to be able to strike back against the evils and injustices that have wronged her and her friends. To keep the world safe. I worry, of course, I worry about all of them, but she’s proven herself capable and trustworthy. And I know what it means to her.”

“Bucky wouldn’t—” Daddy begins.

“I’m not saying it would be the best option for him,” Coulson adds. “Regrettably, I’ve never met him. It’s possible that remaining in a comforting environment surrounded by his loved ones is exactly what Barnes needs. It’s certainly a kindness to shield him from HYDRA and let him stay safe here watching Disney. But he may need to fight back, strike his enemies down in order to fully heal.”

Bucky doesn’t hear Daddy’s reply, heartbeat pounding in his ears, hand over his mouth to make sure he won’t breathe too loudly. By the time he’s calm enough to listen again, they’re already gone.

*

When Bucky carries the teapot back to the playroom, the two other young SHIELD agents are seated at the table. Skye’s talking to them, laughing with them, her back to the door, and Bucky feels a sudden, overwhelming rush of anger.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that she gets to be little and have a family and still be brave enough to go out and fight HYDRA. It’s not fair that she gets to help like that, that she _wants_ to. Bucky doesn’t want to, not really. Every time the Avengers go out he worries so bad, and he’d like to help, he would, but he never, ever wants to hold a gun again. He doesn’t want to fight. He hates it.

But that’s the only thing he was ever good at. It’s the only way he could help, and he can’t.

It’s not _fair_.

But then Skye turns around, smiling, and Bucky’s not angry at her anymore. He doesn’t think he was ever really mad at her. He’s mad at himself.

“Bucky!” she says. “Welcome back!”

“I brought tea,” he whispers. He’s not sure he wants to have tea anymore. Or meet new people. Or do anything other than hide under his bed and feel sorry for himself.

But he brings the tea to the table, because Skye’s been waiting for a long time, and then she starts introducing him to her friends so he has to sit down.

The man’s name is Fitz and Bucky thinks he’s Scottish. His accent sounds sort of like the little dog in Lady and the Tramp. The woman’s name is Jemma and she sounds English.

“It’s such an honor to meet you,” Jemma says, smiling. She smiles a lot. Her teeth are very white and her smile is very big and Bucky kind of wants to hide under the table, but he doesn’t. They’d probably laugh at him for that. Maybe not out loud, but that wouldn’t be any better.

“Are you field agents?” he asks, picking up Bucky Bear. “Like Skye?”

“We’re scientists,” Fitz says. His voice is deep enough that Bucky can tell his bear was wrong earlier when he said Fitz was probably prepubescent.

“I’m a biochemist and Fitz is an engineer,” Jemma explains. “We do go into the field on occasion, but we prefer to stay on the Bus if at all possible.”

“You live on a bus?” Daddy had said SHIELD had a big plane. A bus sounds a lot slower and way more restricted in where it can go.

Jemma laughs, which makes her smile even wider, and Bucky really wants to hide under the table. She makes him think of the sharks in that Sharknado movie they watched on Daddy’s birthday, even though her teeth aren’t sharp at all and she probably can’t breathe underwater. “Oh no, no!” she says. “The Bus is what we call our plane. It makes it feel more like home that way, you see. But it has this brilliant lab, and it’s set up so that nothing ever rolls around or breaks during takeoff or a landing, and it’s stabilized so that the atmospheric pressure remains consistent at any altitude, and—”

She keeps going, and Bucky doesn’t understand most of the things she’s talking about. It isn’t until Skye starts pouring tea and asks Jemma if she wants sugar that Jemma stops.

Fitz’s hands are shaky around the teacup. Bucky remembers the way some of his old medicines used to make him shake, but he doesn’t ask if Fitz is taking anything. That would be really rude. He hopes that Fitz isn’t, though. Those pills made Bucky feel really bad and anyway, that would mean another person on SHIELD who’s sort of like Bucky but can do all kinds of things he can’t.

“Your little bears are so adorable!” Jemma gushes, and now Bucky Bear wants to hide under the table. He also wants to know if biochemists experiment on bears. Jemma looks like she might experiment on bears. “Their little costumes are so sweet.”

“Tony designed them,” Bucky mumbles. He isn’t sure who made the patterns and sewed them up based on Tony’s designs. The Bearvengers were all going to be Bucky Bear’s size, but the people sewing them asked if they could make them a little bigger to fit in all the details. Most of the Bearvenger costumes are a lot more complicated than Bucky Bear’s coat.

“Is that actual metal on the Iron Man bear?” Jemma asks.

“Uh-huh. But be careful with him, his leg armor’s loose,” Bucky says. After Iron Bear was found mysteriously floating in the bathtub yesterday, Bucky tried to dry him off really well to make sure he didn’t rust. But one of the screws holding the leg on must be coming undone from too many adventures, because now it’s about to fall off.

“How do you cuddle with a metal bear?” Skye asks.

“I take him out of the suit first.” The inside of the suit’s really cool to look at without a bear in it anyway. It’s very detailed and Tony said that if teddy bears could pee, Iron Bear could even go in the suit without messing it up. Bucky doesn’t know why anyone would want to pee in the suit.

“What’s, uh, what’s wrong with his armor?” Fitz asks. He doesn’t quite stutter, but he trips over his words a lot and it seems like he has trouble thinking of words sometimes. Maybe he’s shy like Bucky.

“It’s coming unscrewed,” Bucky says. Then he adds, “I don’t have a screwdriver” because he doesn’t want to sound too stupid to fix something so simple.

“Here,” Fitz says, and he holds out his hand for Iron Bear. He reaches into his pocket and takes out something that looks like an army knife.

Bucky’s hands clamp hard back around Bucky Bear’s tummy.

He doesn’t pull out a blade, though. Fitz looks at the screw on Iron Bear’s armor and pulls out a short piece of metal shaped like the tip of a screwdriver on the end. He’s a little clumsy placing it, but he does eventually and then, a few screws later, Iron Bear’s leg is back on tight.

“What is that thing?” Bucky asks. Then he says “Thank you” so they won’t think he’s rude.

“Folding screwdriver,” Fitz says. “The, um, the base of it has all different...ending bits. It’s handy.” He holds it out, setting Iron Bear back on the table. “See?”

Bucky picks it up. There’s a Phillips’ head and a slot head and all different sorts of screwdrivers. It’s cool. But he shouldn’t be holding it.

Bucky feels sick in his stomach to realize that he could stab someone with it, and he hands it back to Fitz as quick as he can. They shouldn’t have let him hold that; didn’t anyone warn them about how dangerous the Winter Soldier is?

Except nobody probably sees the Winter Soldier anymore when they look at him. They see a useless little kid who sits around and watches cartoons.

“I used to see your name every day,” Fitz says. “At, uh, when we were at the SHIELD Academy. Jemma too.”

He just stares. Bucky was never part of SHIELD unless they’re counting HYDRA. And they probably aren’t.

“It’s listed,” Fitz says. “On the wall, er, the wall—”

“The Wall of Valor,” Jemma chimes in. “It’s in every SHIELD facility. It’s a list of all the people who’ve given their lives in service of SHIELD. Captain America’s on it too.”

“But I wasn’t in SHIELD.” Bucky’s not dead, either, but people didn’t know that until recently. He wonders if they scratched out Daddy’s name when they found him in the ice.

“It also lists members of the SSR,” Skye explains. “I think Peggy Carter and Howard Stark wanted to ensure that you and Captain America would have a place on it.”

“ _Ooh_!” Jemma squeals, and Bucky Bear growls. “That’s right! You actually worked with Agent Carter! I _adore_ her, there were these adventure novels about all these fictitious missions she went on and I used to tear through them when I was young. What was she like?”

“There are books about Peggy?” Daddy never mentioned those. But maybe they don’t have them in America.

“Oh yes, they’re _dreadful_ ,” Jemma says, but her smile is big as ever. “I adored them. Did you know her well?”

Bucky fidgets. He can’t remember most of the war. “She—”

“I see you’ve made yourselves at home,” says a dry voice, and when Bucky looks up, Coulson’s in the doorway.

Bucky’s hand shakes, enough that some tea sloshes out of the cup and onto Bucky Bear’s head. Coulson’s looking at Bucky Bear when it happens, already wide-eyed, and he looks like he might die.

“I take it your meeting’s over?” Skye asks as Bucky wipes at the bear’s head with his sleeve.

“Wheels up in five,” Coulson says. He manages to look away from Bucky Bear. “As I recall, the three of you were meant to be learning from Tony Stark’s lab.”

“We did!” Jemma protests, and then she’s going into another very fast talk about science things that Bucky doesn’t really understand. Judging from the looks on their faces, Skye and Coulson don’t really get it either.

“We’re fast learners,” Skye says when Jemma pauses to take a breath. “Besides, are you telling me you’d pass up the chance to geek out over a real life Howling Commando?”

Everybody’s looking at him again. Bucky can feel his face heating up.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Sergeant Barnes,” Coulson says.

Bucky just nods. He doesn’t want to talk to him, and he’s too scared for his voice to work right anyway. The older agent lady is behind Coulson, and Bucky starts to slide down in his seat so he can sneak under the table.

But then Skye says, “Next time we’re in New York, I should bring Ada along to meet your bears,” and she’s sticking her hand out to shake goodbye.

Bucky Bear says he’ll eat her elephant, but Bucky just nods, taking her hand. It’s a lot smaller than his hand. Why can’t he act as big as he is? Why can’t he just _help_?

“Thanks for playing with me,” he whispers, and Skye smiles.

“Thanks for letting me,” she says. “You’re the best.”

They leave the playroom one by one, until it’s just Coulson lingering in the doorway. He’s still staring at Bucky Bear, but he doesn’t look like he’s going to have a heart attack anymore.

“Is that an original Bucky Bear—” Coulson begins.

Bucky finds his voice. “He doesn’t like to be touched.”

The agent’s face falls, and Bucky feels a little bad, but not really.

**Author's Note:**

> [ _4.48 Psychosis_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4.48_Psychosis) is a play about depression by the late Sarah Kane.
> 
> [ _We're Going on a Bear Hunt_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gyI6ykDwds) is a song and a picture book by Michael Rosen, illustrated by Helen Oxenbury.
> 
> The story with the magic pasta pot that Bucky Bear wanted to hear is [_Strega Nona_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULUG8IIo9-8), written and illustrated by Tomie dePaola.
> 
> It is possible to [make a stuffed animal's fur look brand new](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52FKHWO4Evk) with the use of a wire pet brush.
> 
> The Peggy Carter adventure novels that Simmons mentions are a reference to [osprey_archer's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/osprey_archer/pseuds/osprey_archer) [Reciprocity](http://archiveofourown.org/series/161309) series.


End file.
